mox·ie
/ˈmäksē/
force of character, determination, courage
My grandmother’s birthday falls on New Year’s Eve. So every year when I’m contemplating the next year, I remember her.
For this New Year’s Eve, I’d like to invite you into a piece of her story.
Grandma passed away on April 18, 2018, eight months shy of reaching 100. Although in many regards her mind remained sharp, her body pained her, and thus her final years were spent in assisted living. After our visits, I would leave with deposits of laughter and unconditional love and would sometimes capture these beautiful visits through writing.
The Bra Story
There was the story about Grandma getting stuck in her closet after her bra got wrapped around the wheel of her wheelchair and she had to call for help, only to be mortified when a young male nurse came to her rescue.
The Bingo Story
And there was the time she was hoarding bingo quarters in case she needed to escape her assisted living home. She got busted when a nurse asked if she was going to bingo that day, and it was in this conversation, that my mom and I discovered that bingo only required dimes, and that my grandma had been asking my mom for quarters for months. “You never know when I might need to get out of here and will need some money,” she said in her defense.
The Burning Bottom Story
And there was the time she hid her heating pad so staff couldn’t confiscate it, and acted oblivious when the nurse asked where hers was. “I don’t know,” she innocently responded. And after the nurse left… “Just because someone else burnt their butt sitting on their heating pad too long doesn’t mean they need to take mine.” She had a point. My grandmother suffered from arthritis and her heating pad provided relief. This was self-awareness and self-care at its best in a world that’s not always so black and white.
Hard and Happy
My grandma’s story, like with all “true” stories, was both hard and happy. Following are two pivotal pieces that ultimately transformed my story.
- My grandmother gave birth at age 21 to my mom. From what I’ve been able to gather, my great grandfather paid off my grandmother’s first husband, who was not a good person, to basically get lost. The details of “not good” remain vague. At any rate, my grandmother was a single mom until she remarried the man whom I always knew as my grandfather—a loving, kind, and funny soul who served his country and who retired from the railroad.
- Fast forward to the late ’60s early ’70s when disco and bell bottoms and tube tops cohabitated with political upheaval, economic uncertainty, and cultural change. It was during this stage of time when my grandmother learned that my biological father was abusing her beloved grandchildren. And it was during this time, that my grandmother rose up and intervened, a moxie move that I will never fully know its impact, but that I can fully imagine and fully appreciate. To my relief, I never saw my bio father again.
I am so very grateful for my grandmother’s courage, support, and love early on and beyond, otherwise I do not know where I might have landed if left in the sick environment in which I had been born. This is why I am such an advocate for women supporting women. We must moxie through life together.
And the Soul Found its Worth
And perhaps this is why I deeply connect with those souls who lose sight of their worth to then take dark detours that can be difficult to redirect. I’ve experienced enough redirecting from my foundational years and their impact, that I can appreciate the challenges in this process. This is not a justification for victimized or poor behaviors, and most especially harmful acts. It’s simply an awareness stripped of judgment. I understand the impact of one’s environment—for better or for worse. Our homes help shape our stories, and thus they are critically important to our overall health and wellness, and in turn to that of the greater good.
As we reflect on 2024 and look forward to yet another year, it is truly my desire that my grandmother’s story serves as encouragement to all and that it provides more reason to be well RESTed in 2025—Resilient, Empowered, Strong, and True.
May you moxie on like a grandma in 2025; and on, and on, and on. 💪🏽
Debby
P.S. WeWomen Wellness Retreat, Day 2: reframing our stories.
Registration deadline January 24.