Emotional Wellness: 
the ability to express feelings, adjust to emotional challenges, cope with life’s stressors, and enjoy life

October 2016. The air in my pool filter cylinder pressurized and blasted its lid into my face like a NASA rocket. When turning on the pump, I had not opened a little valve that allows pressure from within to move through and on out. Because I was new to pool maintenance, I had forgotten this critical step. As a result, I underwent 1½ years of dental reconstruction to replace 2½ teeth and part of my upper jaw.

Now, more than ever, I understand the importance of releasing pressure. I know, without a physics class, that contained pressure will eventually escape, at which point we had better stand clear. Our bodies and minds naturally know this too. Taking in too much of anything—stress, food, chaos; noise, busyness, the sun; and even pleasure, simply becomes too much. And then, something gives. 

Emotions are like this too. As a child, I learned to (subconsciously) repress mine. As an adult, I learned emotions were weak, of no value. As a result, the pressure of my interior world would periodically and unexpectedly release itself as an outpouring of tears or occasionally as an explosive rage. 

I began to recognize this at midlife and chose to begin my Momentous Living book from one of these unpredictable pendulum swings of pounding fists and angry words. That particular pressurized moment served as a catalyst to ask, “What just happened?” And “Why?” These questions sent me on a journey into emotional wellness that taught me how critically important feelings are to our personal and relational health.

Here are four things I learned about emotional wellness:

1. Feelings are good and strong when they provide clues that help us identify what is going on inside us. But only if we are curious and deliberate enough to pause, and ask, “What am I feeling? And why?” Pause means just that, to stop long enough to be aware. To be still. As in, “In the silence of not doing, we begin to hear.” Silence allows us to discover why we’re upset, angry, frustrated, afraid, or overwhelmed. We can then figure out what to do about it and ultimately release pressure to live with more peace. Pausing also allows us to discover what feelings we’re not experiencing. Feelings like hope and joy and love. Learning to identify and manage our emotions provides more understanding of self which enables us to interact better with others.
2. There are more mad and sad feelings than there are glad ones. When I realized that mad and sad outweighed glad, I realized that it wasn’t just me that pulled me down. Human nature weighs heavy on itself, giving even more reason to learn how to manage our many emotions. We humans naturally have a lot going on inside. Pastor Wally Arp shared a mantra in my “Divine Love” podcast that is relevant here. “I am who God says I am today. I’m not any more than that, but I’m never ever any less than that.” When we struggle with the madness of our monkey mind, this reminds us of our intrinsic dignity and worth; and reason to care well for ourselves.
3. There are highly sensitive people and what I call nominally sensitive people. On one end there are those like me who feel life at a deep level, and thus need to regulate outside stimuli more than most—things like sad or scary movies, sensationalized news, angry politics, and the heaviness of others. Our “holding” ability overflows more quickly because of our natural ability to empathize and absorb our surroundings. On the other end are those who feel little or maybe not at all. This makes it difficult to connect at a deep level with themselves and others. On a broad scope and depending on the situation, both offer benefits and challenges. One can sit with another in grief for example, while the other solves complex problems. Although awareness of highly or nominally sensitive people does not justify poor behaviors or reactions, it does provide more understanding and compassion as we learn about ourselves and others in the context of community. 
4. Love lies at the core of our emotional wellness. This word, love, has been on my heart so much recently that I focused on it in February, not simply because of Valentine’s Day, but for the sake of it. I’ve learned that our emotional wellness depends on our understanding of love, and our ability to receive and offer it. I believe love is key to caring well for our emotional health as it helps release pressure that builds from all the madness and sadness of our world, which often represents unmet needs. This influx of mad and sad will harden a heart. When this happens we think we’re protecting ourselves by remaining closed off, but eventually the pressure will release somewhere somehow. Love, like a critically important valve on a pool filter cylinder, opens our hearts. 

Emotional Wellness deals with our interior world of feelings and is just one of many interconnected dimensions of health. If we give proper attention to our feelings so they don’t sit and stew within, and instead view them as valuable clues to our wellbeing, learning to discern and process them when needed (some may need to simply pass on through without giving time and attention), we can release building pressure and ultimately enjoy life more. If we patiently stay with this emotional self-awareness, allowing trusted individuals to join us in our discoveries, we can experience a depressurizing love for self and others that goes far beyond chocolates and roses. 

Be Momentous! 🌎

If you didn’t catch my inaugural podcast series this month, I invite you to listen to this 3-episode series about love: self-love, unconditional love, and divine love.