by KennethUnlimited
This is the fourth story in the Project Unlimited series titled: “Forgiveness: Who Do You Think You Are?” Inmates at Tomoka Correctional Institution wrote these stories, not to justify or excuse behaviors, but for the purpose of educating and increasing awareness. You’re welcomed and encouraged to send questions for consideration for the Unlimited men to answer throughout this series. To learn more about Project Unlimited click here.
Hatred
When I was 13 my parents separated; and then my mother met someone I hated. Her boyfriend portrayed himself as genuine, caring, and trustworthy; but from my teen perspective he was none of these.
One example of his true self was when he trapped me in the house for three months. The last room in the house was mine—a porch transformed into a bedroom, so the back door to the apartment was in my room. The man locked my door from the outside and nailed the inside of the door, as well as my windows. The man then ran an extension cord from the handle of the front door to the top of the stairs. The man, an addict and former gang member, was trying to keep me from the street life. Except for school, I stayed stuck in the house. I hated the man.
Forgiveness
I tell this part of my story because one day I had to forgive the man, my mom’s now ex-boyfriend, and pray for his recovery. One time, around 16 years later, when I called home from prison, my mother told me that the man had been hit by a bus, and he was on his dying bed. She said that a family member of his called and that he was asking for her.
“What should I do?” she asked.
At that moment, I could not find anything negative to say.
“Go and don’t focus on the past,” I said. “Help him enjoy his last moments on this earth. No matter what he has done, hate has no room.”
Later that day I laid on my back and asked God to help me forgive the man that I hated. Although I might never have been open to speaking with him, I still prayed and asked God to forgive him that day. Afterwards, I felt a huge relief off my shoulders; and my mother had the chance to close an old chapter.
Forgiveness may seem like we’re letting someone off the hook, but truthfully, it allows us to let go, regardless. What’s interesting is the man never died. And while he remained alive, my mom and I learned to live too.
The Fourfold Path to Forgiveness
- Tell the Story.
- Name the Hurt.
- Grant Forgiveness.
- Renew or Release the Relationship.
as discussed in The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu
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If you missed the first posts in this Forgiveness Series, you can read them here:
- “Forgiveness, Who Do You Think You Are? Part 1” by Debby Kerr-Henry and Beth Smith
- “Forgiveness, Who Do You Think You Are? Part 2” by JonathanUnlimited and RomanoUnlimited
- “Don’t Tell Me What God Can’t Do!” by JonathanUnlimited
How beautiful that Kenneth realized the freedom that would come from forgiveness – even encouraging his mother to set herself free. Somehow my heart also went out to this “hated man” who, in Kenneth’s words, “was trying to keep him from street life” because he had been a man of the streets himself. We go to great lengths as parents to protect our kids, and oftentimes our decisions aren’t the best. We get desperate. Really desperate. I know that feeling all too well.
My hope is that Kenneth can see this man as a flawed human who was desperate to keep him from the same mistakes he made when he was young, and that one day, restoration can happen between the two of them. I hope the hated man can know that he has been set free. 🙏🏼
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